At the risk of ranting, I'm going to write about a particular issue I seem to encounter every time I leave the house in Costa Rica: Men. I don't mean that in some feminist, war of the sexes type way. Anyone who knows me knows that's not my style. Back home I've always been just one of the guys. Most of my closest friends are men. I find them easier to get along with and more likely to enjoy the same things I do than most girls. I have girlfriends too of course, but I seem to find fewer I really connect with. I enjoy the banter and the bluntness I receive from my guy friends. I can give them shit and know I won't offend them and that they will do the same. And yeah, I'm sure that there's a little underlying sexual tension with a lot of them that keeps things interesting, but it's exactly that, underlying. I'm not uncomfortable. I don't have to worry that I'm being a tease by simply being me. I like to be able to go out for a beer or dinner with a friend without having to fucking explain that I don't want to sleep with them or trying to figure out how to let them down firmly, but without offending.
Here in CR, I guess I just can't hang out with most of the local guys. Even telling them I have a boyfriend doesn't work. It almost makes it worse. 'I have a boyfriend' here seems to mean 'Hey you can fuck me with no commitment whatsoever'. Most of them seem to have girlfriends somewhere in the world and just don't care much for the monogamy thing. The lines I've heard about just being free and having fun could probably be used for a whole series of corny pornos. (Is it rude that I can't help but burst out laughing? If it is consider me an ass.) . And if one more person tells me I'm traditional I'm going to choke them, and not in the way they're after.
It would be easier if these guys were all frat boy inspired assholes, but they aren't. I don't know what the difference is here. Maybe back home I did a better job of intimidating guys into thinking they had no chance so they didn't push their luck. Maybe I should wear more clothing here (it's f*ing hot, I shouldn't have to wear a shirt and pants). Or maybe it's just cultural (Worst excuse ever). Yes, it's a bit flattering sometimes when I can't go out without guys hollering at me or watching and whistling as I walk by. It is amusing for sure. I'm not a timid person. Like anyone I can appreciate a bit of attention. I'm not naive, and I am far from the traditional girl I keep being accused of being. But it gets old, especially when it's someone I know well enough to think we are friends. I get tired of having to constantly draw the lines every time I see them. I'm not saying no because I think I should. I'm saying no because I'm not attracted to you, because I have no desire to sleep with you, because the only thing you know about me is that you think I'm beautiful and I couldn't care less. And I shouldn't have to expalin that too you. You talk about just having fun? Telling someone you like enough to want to hang out that you dno't find them remotely sexually attractive is not fun. If I'm so great why isn't it enough to just spend some time. I don't understand why me being attractive means I want to go home with you or that no means try harder. You are not helping me get out of my own way. I'm not in my own way. You're just not what I want. Nor do I want to pick up whatever disease you got from the last 5 insecure, gullible chicks your crap worked on. I am not just a pretty face. I deserve better than someone who sees me as that.
Sometimes I swear I'm being paranoid or vain, but I have yet to be wrong. At least I'm not insecure and naive. This place makes short work of those girls. I guess the best way to look at it is as another sort of adventure. We will see how many egos I hurt and how many times I pass on an invite to go out when I'm lonely. It's something I need to learn anyway. Nobody could ever claim that no isn't in my vocabulary, that's for damn sure.
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