So the last couple of days I've been out surfing at various times in the morning and I keep encountering this same group of surfers. They're not locals and the chick is pretty hot (yes I am allowed to appreciate this too.) and seems to have taken a liking to me as one of the only other girls out there. Surfer-girls, rather pleasantly, often seem to stick together which is great. The guy is a douche. He surfs with bright orange earplugs in, which is your first warning. And he seems to follow me wherever I paddle and is constantly competing with me for waves. This in itself isn't a problem. There are only so many waves and a lot of people, so just like in mountain biking and other sports there are guidelines for who has right-of-way. Sometimes these are local traditions, so I made sure to ask some locals when I got down here so that I wasn't stepping on toes and being 'that-chick'. I'm not the best surfer. I'm still learning, but I try, and I am sometimes a bit self conscious about my shortcomings as a surfer. Yesterday was a bit crowded and I was struggling to read the breaks with a new swell coming in. I missed a lot of waves on my own, but this guy kept cutting me off, hanging out just inside so that anytime I started gunning for a wave, he'd go for it as well. I always held back if he was in a better position, but I wasn't letting him intimidate me either, so when I had right of way I went for it. Sometimes he'd be in the way and I'd have to bail. I took a few beatings for the trouble, but it didn't bother me much. Later in the session though he started signalling to me and when he had my attention shakes his finger at me like he's scolding a dog and says in broken English 'No! I give you waves and still you taking mine. You paddle for my wave. No!'
My first reaction, probably as it should be, was surprise and anger. WTF? Who is this guy to talk to me like that? He's not even much better of a surfer than I am and there's no name on the wave. To my disappointment that quickly faded into embarrassment and shame. Had I cut him off or dropped in on a wave he had right-of-way on? It happens to the best of us. I know I'm still learning this stuff, and I'm going to mess up now and then. What bothers me is how quickly I turned what should reasonably have been anger at this guy for being rude to me when he had been doing exactly the same things I had, into anger and disappointment in myself. I am not particularly tolerant of myself and my learning process, so it really hits hard when someone else reinforces that critical streak that I barely keep beneath the surface. I tried to get myself to let it go, but I was upset enough that I wasn't having fun anymore, so I paddled in and sat on the beach to think about why I was having such a strong reaction. I mean, I was near tears at some point, which struck me as odd and rather inappropriate for the situation even in the moment.
I still don't know what all of that set off initially. What it does bring up for me now that I've walked away and let it pass, is that it's a pity that there are people who feel the need to take the fun out of things like surfing. I have seen it in every sport I play. I don't always know what drives the people who pick on or discourage newcomers to a sport. In the past I've struggled with it myself when I felt threatened by a talented newbie who, despite my years of training or whatever I felt should have made me better, was on the verge of kicking my ass. Being competitive or aggressive didn't make me feel any better then and I know the people who act like that don't go home feeling good about that climb or surf session either. Happily, I've all but outgrown that aspect of my insecurities and I find that I truly enjoy sharing the activities I love and encouraging newcomers to find the same joy in it that I do. I think that being on the other side of things as the newbie and receiving encouragement and genuine interest from someone with more experience helped with that because I recognized how much more enjoyable things were for everyone without the competition.
competing for a job. Here we're enjoying an epic week in the Red
In the end this has made me think about how much I like who I am in this respect, and also how much I love the people I have found myself surrounded by who have a similar attitude: the community I have been a part of at my climbing gym and gear shop, the people I have met on my adventures climbing, dancing, and surfing etc., and the friends who have joined me and even introduced me to running trail races, mountain biking, and sparring. They have all helped me reach this point because I have recognized how much I appreciate their enthusiasm and how much I enjoy sharing the things I love doing. It is a much better way to live. In a world with limited resources and competition for jobs, education, and so much more, there seems to be no reason to create competition over the few things that aren't finite: enthusiasm, learning, and the joy of using ones body and participating in something. Competition has it's place to be sure, but there's a lot to be said for chilling out and sharing the experience sometimes.
*This morning I paddled out into some of the biggest and best waves I have seen yet, and into the biggest crowd I've ever dared to surf in. Every wave had 5 or 6 people going for it. On my first wave I found myself paddling hard alongside a guy who was clearly better than I was, but I was closest to the peak and had right of way. Instead of getting pissy, the guy looked right at me, smiled and started yelling 'You got it! Paddle! Go, go, go!'. I caught the wave, which ended up being a beautiful right and the best ride I'd had in weeks. When I paddled back out the same guy was there pumping both fists in the air hooting and hollering with a big grin on his face. He was cheering for my ride on a wave he could have easily taken instead. It made my day and watching the people around us I saw that everyone else was smiling as well.
Love the epilogue, there are good people out there and they outweigh the douches by a long way.
ReplyDeleteKeep ripping it up!